I learned to play ice hockey when I was 11 and, as a kid from Southern California, it wasn't easy. I learned how to skate and how to play the game at the same time, all while going through a massive growth spurt. My sister once called me a "baby giraffe on a frozen lake". Nice. One of the hardest things to learn when it comes to skating is the "hockey turn", which looks something like this: This is hard. Very hard. If you master it, you can change direction and lose very little speed. When you're learning to skate, however, it's almost impossible to get your body to do this. That's when my coach told me something that has stayed with me: Turn your head, your skates will follow He was right. This also works with surfing, skiing, and snowboarding among other sports. Just turn your head and your body will do the rest for you. But how? How did my body know which way to shift my weight and balance if I had never done a thing like this before? It didn't make any sense, but oddly, it worked. I just needed to 1) look where I wanted to go and 2) trust my body to do the rest for me. What kind of weird voodoo is this! Turn your imagination and your confidence will followI was thinking about hockey turns when listening to A Confident Mind this last week (link). The author, Nate Zinsser, believes that confidence in sports, business, or your personal life is a trained skill - not something you're born with. What you're training is the same thing I was training when learning how to turn on skates: 1) imagine yourself doing the thing you need to do and 2) trust your subconscious to do the rest. Honestly? This feels a bit too new-age for me. Affirmations and The Secret (where you just believe in yourself and divine purpose) were just a bit too precious, even for the 1980s and 90s, when they were popular. Isn't this just a repackaging of that whole idea? Maybe. But as the author of our next book states: You don't have to believe me. Try it for 30 days on your own and see if it works for you. I think you'll be surprised. You and Your MachineThe book I'm referring to with the quote above has the unfortunate title Psycho Cybernetics. It was written in the 1960s and I think the author, Dr. Maxwell Maltz, was trying to be edgy. The title refers to a "helmsman", which is what "cybernetic" loosely refers to in Greek. The idea is that we have a machine inside of us, a "goal-oriented mechanism", as Maltz calls it, that we can steer in a direction of our choosing. He doesn't suggest we can control it - only that we can give it a goal and let it do it's thing. Like turning your head on a pair of mental hockey skates. The premise of both of these books is that, through visualization, we can convince our subconscious (our inner machine) that we're not only capable of executing at a high level, but that we've actually done it already, so the next time should be easy. Both books have you visualize yourself in extreme detail, doing the thing you're not sure you can do. If you're speaking to an audience, you see the clicker in your hand and feel its weight. You listen to yourself effortlessly speaking at a casual pace as the slides click perfectly behind you. You pick out one or two faces in the crowd and watch them laugh at your asides, or look wide-eyed in astonishment at your big reveal. In the end, you watch people clap for you and come up to shake your hand, telling you it was the highlight of their week. This is where we run into an old friend: Imposter Syndrome. Do I really think I know enough to impact someone's entire week? Isn't it extremely arrogant of me to think I deserve claps and handshakes? Damn I hate this feeling. Sabotaging YourselfYou know the drill: you work hard, achieve something, and instead of owning it, you think, I just got lucky or they’re going to find out I don’t know what I’m doing. That’s my default setting most of the time, especially when I’m taking on something new. In other words: I don't filter my self-perceptions very well. This is self-sabotage, plain and simple, and serves nothing but your own ego. I wrote about getting over Imposter Syndrome as a programmer in both The Imposter's Handbook and The Imposter's Roadmap, and the idea is straightforward:
The most important part of this process is recognizing your toxicity, and taking action to refocus your thoughts. It might be hard to think that Imposter Syndrome is toxic, but it truly is. You drain the energy from others, who feel the need to make you feel better about yourself, and you drain the energy from the team. Most of all: you drain yourself of purpose, looking externally for proof that you belong where you are. As Zinsser suggests, however: confidence isn’t about proving anything. It’s about reminding yourself of what’s actually true—your preparation, your effort, the work you’ve already put in. The truth of your current situation is that you were hired to do the work, so people do believe in you. You just won't accept this. Imposter syndrome isn’t lying about the facts; it’s just amplifying all the wrong ones. This works both ways, it turns out. The Dunning-Kruger Spiral I'm sure you've heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect, which is when people think they’re better at something than they truly are because they don’t know enough to realize how bad they are. Ever see someone talk like an expert after watching one YouTube video? That’s Dunning-Kruger. What’s wild, though, is that the more you learn, the more you realize how much you don’t know. And that can tank your confidence if you let it. Zinsser reframes this: confidence isn’t about knowing everything. It’s about trusting that you can figure things out, that you can grow into the gaps. The whole "I’m aware of my shortcomings" thing will feel less like a reason to doubt yourself and more like proof that you're on the right track. The ConnectionHere’s where it all clicked for me: both imposter syndrome and the Dunning-Kruger effect mess with your perception of reality. Imposter syndrome keeps you stuck in the past, replaying every little mistake. Dunning-Kruger blinds you to what you don’t know, which means you can’t grow. Confidence, though—the kind Zinsser talks about—is all about the present. It’s about choosing to believe that what you’ve done matters and what you can do will get you through the next challenge. But what about your failures? We will fail in our endeavors - do we just ignore these? Absolutely not! Zinsser talks about this with the "next play" mindset. When you screw up, which you will, what's your next move? You can't dwell on what you did wrong, thinking about all the ways in which you suck. What you can do is to learn from that failure, and make sure you don't do it again with your next plan. Don't dwell on the past, don't believe too strongly in your bright and amazing future. Learn for the here and now and let the future unfold as it will. What Do We Do With This?Maybe imposter syndrome isn’t something we’re supposed to beat. It’s a signal—a way of saying, "Hey, here’s where you can grow." If you feel affronted by someone's condescension or you don't prepare for a conference talk because "I'm good at improv and I know this subject cold" - maybe check yourself. People with Dunning-Kruger don't know what they don't know, which I think is a great default. Confidence isn’t about feeling 100% sure all the time. It’s about choosing to act even when you’re not sure. Confidence is the stuff that turns thoughts into action. I love it. You can't wait for some magical moment when you "feel" confident. You simply decide to keep going, keep learning, and keep showing up. Keep. Showing. Up. |
I taught myself to code in 1998 and within 7 years had a client list that included Google, Microsoft, Starbucks, Ameritech, KLA-Tencor, PayPal, and Visa. In 2014 I decided that I really needed to understand core Computer Science concepts, so I dove in, using the free resources from MIT and Stanford. In 2016 I shared what I learned with The Imposter's Handbook.
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